Fragment of A Forbidden Truth -- a journal entry from an unfortunate researcher

This is what I was referring to when I mentioned I was working on something a bit longer than my original World Anvil entry. It started with the few lines a ways down into the story, and then the story wrapped itself around the lines as I was writing them out. Hope y'all like it, and lemme know if there are any glaring flaws I overlooked in my few proof reads so far.

6th of Parat, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

I've been assigned to a scientific expedition to investigate substantial claims of newly discovered underground ruins in the Eastern Reaches. I expect it to be more nonsense from some local farmer stumbling drunkenly into a cave with the wall covered in some etchings made by children, but we shall see the truth of it before long. The expedition is made up by seven members, including myself, and we're all mostly of academic origins, except for the guide who will be taking us the entire way and back. He is a man of few words, but seems to focus entirely on his tasks, so that's good enough for me. The rest of the team includes a boisterous and excitable set of twins, Horace and Borun who are experts in various archaic forms of architecture, Rorik who is an oddly nervous man that studies several dead languages, Ferrus who is an inquisitor joining on behalf of the church's interests and is well-versed in the matters of the scriptures and the divine of course, and finally Hilda who is the fairly young and stalwart representative of the Academic Council in charge of this expedition, if I recall her scholarly interests were focused on heretical teachings of dead cultures--if you're reading this journal then you certainly already know my area of expertise. The journey will take us a little more than a week each way, so at least if it is local nonsense, I should still be back home for the holiday celebrations. We set out with two horse-drawn wagons loaded with the necessary equipment and provisions for the journey in two days' time.


17th of Parat, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

Bad weather, broken wheels, and highway robbers. Delay after delay. The bad weather came first and slowed our progress to a crawl for the first several days. The rain restricted visibility, created muddy areas, and made sleep difficult. A very poor start to a lengthy trip. Just when the weather cleared, a small group of thugs emerged from the forest on either side of us. I think we were all surprised to see how well Priam, our guide of few words, could handle a blade. When that gaggle of brigands halted us, I thought we'd lose all of our vital excavating equipment to them, but without a word or a sound of any kind, Priam deftly dispatched each of them, most before they could react or defend themselves. It was a sight to behold, even if I couldn't keep up with much of it. The excitement startled the lead wagon's horse and she ran the wheel over a large stone at a bad angle, busting it badly. We've had to wait for a replacement to be delivered from the next town still another day ahead of us. Of Priam, it is proving difficult to figure him out. He's obviously a deeply humble man, practical, and a tireless worker. Rather than waste a moment to celebrate or take stock of things, as soon as the highwaymen were disposed of and he saw the busted wheel, he told us "wait there, I'll get a replacement" and he immediately set off ahead on his own horse. Best we can guess is that he is an ex-soldier, or former mercenary perhaps. No matter his history though, we're lucky to have him along. Hopefully he'll be back with the wheel before anything else comes out of the forest. I can swear I hear Rorik speaking in tongues at night sometimes. Maybe he's just praying.


21st of Parat, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

Hilda decided we should stay a night here in the town that provided the new wheel for us. They're letting us stay for free since Priam took care of those brigands--apparently they had been harassing the people coming in and out of the town for months on end. A good deed always returns, as they say. Honestly, I'm glad we're taking a rest here. Sleeping in wagons is bad enough, but tonight I'll be free of Rorik's mutterings in the dark as well. Somehow Ferrus' prayers are reassuring, but Rorik's are unnerving. I'm too tired to try to understand it. In the morning we'll be resupplied and continue our journey Eastward.


26th of Parat, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

Priam saved us all again. We're due to arrive in Hornburg on the morn, but we were set upon in our sleep by beasts from the field. I didn't know what was happening until it was already over. Wolves or wild dogs? Hard for me to tell in this darkness. Vicious, though. Somehow Priam managed to kill them all without getting so much as a scratch. Hilda got a nasty bite when she tried to help him by swinging a burning torch down at the beasts, however. We cleaned the wound and wrapped it as best we could. We'll know in the morning if there's sign of infection. Rorik seems to have wandered off at some point during the night. We called for him but there's been no sign yet. We'll have to search for him as well. Strange that those beasts were trying to go after us instead of the horses.


2nd of Zephus, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

ASTOUNDING! No other word describes the underground ruins! After arriving in Hornburg, we had the town's doctor look over Hilda's wound. It showed signs of a mild infection, but after he recleaned it, put curatives on it, and bandaged it anew, he said she would travel better after two day's resting and should have no further risk beyond that. The rest of us were quite eager to see the ruins, however, and we all agreed that Ferrus would stay behind with Hilda and organize a search party to see what became of Rorik, while Priam took myself and the twins to verify the existence and significance of the site. It was more than I could ever dream of. We had little time to investigate properly, since we'd left most of our equipment in town in favor of expedience, but now that we know the ruins are real, we'll be returning on the morrow when Hilda will be able to join us. Sadly the search party found no sign of Rorik whatsoever. Hopefully the man just went back the way we came out of nerves and did not end up wandering into the wilds alone. Who knows what's out there?


10th of Zephus, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

There's simply too much for our group to handle in any short amount of time. How were these structures even built here? Nothing makes sense on the surface level. They expand further down below than any of us dare to go, and looks tell there is ample space for even all the royal capital's inhabitants to dwell comfortably within, but that's also the strange thing about them. There's plenty of evidence of course that this place was built, but little to show of the people who lived here. No organic remains of any kind, not even lichen or fungi on any of the structures. It's unnervingly quiet down here. The kind of quiet that makes one unable to think. We stay close together for safety's sake the majority of the time, but it also helps my sanity. I want to stay and investigate all the enigmatic sigils and carvings forever, but we're constantly in need of fresh supplies from town. Nothing edible grows on the surface above the ruins, and there is no fresh water above nor below. I'm curious to know how the builders and inhabitants were able to stay here. Maybe they weren't and that's why they're gone...but why settle here at all? Aside from the ruins themselves, what is there of value here? Perplexing. I hope there are more answers here than questions, in the end. We'll stay for as long as the weather permits us, but it's already getting cold. Soon the snows will come and then we'll have to leave. We'll organize a much larger expedition come the Spring. The undertaking will be so much easier with more people and more supplies.

I hesitate to mention it to anyone else, but I thought I heard Rorik talking in the empty halls nearby when I was alone collecting some samples last night...I was probably just tired, though. The samples themselves were quite intriguing. I'll write more about them after I've had a chance to better study them, though.


21st of Hiem, in the year 113 after Deadhaus

The journey back has been uneventful so far compared to the thrill of the findings during the excavation. It would have been nice to stay longer, but the cold season has now firmly set in, and soon the roads will become completely impassable, and with no hope of steady supplies, remaining any longer was not an option. Even so, the prospects for such an important discovery have left me feeling more giddy than I have ever been in memory. The few things we've taken with us were only that which was easily transported and worth further study and preservation. A few tablets with undeciphered language carved into them--likely by magical means, small reliquaries of unknown purpose, and a smattering of other strange compact devices which are certainly ages beyond hope of ever functioning again are among our spoils.
Notably there was some evidence we were not the first people to enter those particular ruins, nor even the first team of researchers, since nearby some of the rune-carved tablets I also discovered a scrap of manuscript written in the Old Tongue. At first I thought perhaps Rorik had come and gone before us somehow, but the handwriting is not his, and the vellum is quite old and fragile. It reads as follows:

The blind have no eyes, yet they see it...
The mute have no voice, yet they speak it...
The deaf have no ears, yet they hear it...
The insane have no reason, yet they know it...
The lost have no guidance, yet they seek it...

They have no animus, y e t t h e y l i v e . . . .

I anticipate it to be a partial translation of the carvings on the tablets, but I haven't been able to find any commonality between the manuscript and the carvings themselves. There's something missing, a piece of this puzzle that has yet to reveal itself. I thought that I had a revelation in one of my dreams, but nothing came of it sadly. I've had more nightmares the past several nights instead. Darkness, being lost in the depths of the ruins, and always Rorik whispering something to me, but I can't make out what he's saying. It feels like I'm being watched while I'm asleep and awake now. The others have said they had similar dreams, though Hilda said in hers she's still being attacked by that wild dog or whatever it was--I didn't see any of their remains on our way through the area where we were attacked by them, so perhaps some hunters or the like found a use for their meat and pelts while we were in the ruins. I feel badly for Hilda, poor girl. Her fever spiked sharply last evening. If she survives the trip back to the capital, we have the best healers there who might better be able to cure the infection. That rural doctor was probably used to treating animals more than people. Priam has said little, as always, but he may just be better at dealing with the troubles of the road than us scholars and researchers. Perhaps much of it is just stress from the journey. It is very exciting, though, the prospects the site may yet yield. It could become the most important discovery of our age, or perhaps all ages. The academies likely will remain skeptical as we were until they see it as well. I can hardly wait to go back!


//Hasty, messy scratchings follow as the final entry
Wrong! Wrong! It's all wrong! They came out of nowhere and Priam, he...why would he turn on us like that? We never stood a chance. All a mess of blood and screams. The screams...they weren't human were they? I got away, but now I'm lost in these godsforsaken woods. What happened? The first thing I recalled was waking from the twin's scream. Was it Horace or Borun? No, the whispers came first. I thought I was having another nightmare. Rorik was there, then? Then one of them screamed...Hilda was biting out his throat. What came over her? Her eyes weren't human anymore. The other twin was trying to pull her off of him, but then Priam...he cut him down without a single utterance. Ferrus...he was fighting back something I couldn't see. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I knew I had to flee at once. I heard the other screams after that, but they weren't human. I dared not look back to see what was making those horrid cries. I thought I was being followed, and I still feel like I'm being watched, but I had to rest. I'll move again soon...it's hard to write with my hands shaking like this anyway. I'm sorry, gods I don't know what we did to deserve this, but I'm sorry! Phoenix guide my soul to the light. I have to keep going West, back toward the capital. I have to tell someone what happened. I'm going to move again now. There's a bit more light for me to see my way.

If I don't survive, whoever finds this tell my wife I'm sorry about what I said before I left, and that I love her dearly.


//from the journal of an unfortunate researcher
 
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Golden Xan

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Hah, I liked the ending. I liked the names you used, especially Rorik. The tale hints at things, but does not explain them, which is fine the way it is. I also enjoyed ties to concepts barely explored, such as the unfortunate researcher asking for the "Phoenix's" guidance, as the Thacean Empire use the symbol of one as their sigil.

There is one thing I'd like to mention which is relevant for many writers. @derula, you might be interested in this too.
Deadhaus is a medieval universe. It does have magick, old languages that have been lost and forgotten, and even some technologies that are dissonant from the Dark Ages. However, keep in mind that the individuals who live in this universe will have capabilities, views and understandings limited to their position and the world's technological level. We need to be careful when writing a character not to add our own way of talking or thinking to them, lest we create anachronisms unintentionally. A man in the medieval ages might not say things such as "yo dude", or he might make completely different kinds of abbreviations than we do.

Understandably, that's not always something that we will want to strongly adhere to. We may want to diverge from that for the sake of readability, or simply because we believe it improves the quality of the story--there is no real rule. Just a consideration to have.

About the story itself, I want to ask about the 21st of Parat. The researchers begins by saying "ASTOUNDING!", but what is he refering to? The wound, or something else? Because it seems like he is astounded by the wound getting infected, or the doctor's understanding of the medicine, but it would be more likely for him to be eager about the ruins instead.
 

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A man in the medieval ages might not say things such as "yo dude", or he might make completely different kinds of abbreviations than we do.
I was trying to keep that in mind, but the samples from Apocalypse are limited right now--we're mostly getting Alaric's way of speaking/thinking presently, and I didn't want to do a carbon copy of that, so I just kept it more casual in this one. If I need to revisit it and change some things later, I'm open to doing that, of course.
About the story itself, I want to ask about the 21st of Parat. The researchers begins by saying "ASTOUNDING!", but what is he refering to? The wound, or something else? Because it seems like he is astounded by the wound getting infected, or the doctor's understanding of the medicine, but it would be more likely for him to be eager about the ruins instead.
He was referring to visiting the ruins during the lapse in days between the last entry and that one. Overall he was the most excited about seeing them, so he led in with his reaction to that. I was considering altering the order of that part, but I was trying to write it the way I think the character would have--his biggest emotional reaction to the ruins would precede his more logical breakdown of the previous days' events. Kind of a stream of consciousness approach, which I figure would be apropos for a personal journal.
~~Looking at it again with fresh eyes, I can see you're right. I'll alter that part a little bit to make it more clear what he was reacting to there.
 
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Great story and it could lead to a lot more tales as these ruins get explored and we find out who or what was behind the attack. Was Rorik actually there? Was he trying to derail the expedition all along? Did Hilda turn into a werewolf or some other type of creature from the bite? Did Priam turn on them or was he there to stop the undead?

2nd of Zephus - I had similar thoughts when I first read that section and came to understand he was talking about the ruins. Maybe you want to split up the talk about the ruins and the talk about the injury. Maybe start the second paragraph like so:


"ASTOUNDING! No other word describes the underground ruins! It was more than I could ever dream of. We had little time to investigate properly"

Another idea to get the impact you want is to start the section by him talking about exploring the ruins and then in the second paragraph like an "oh yeah this happened too" he would go back and talk about the party splitting up and Hilda's injury. This would probably be a bigger rewrite but might be more effective at getting the idea across that the ruins were his first concern.

17th of Parat. - I found this a little clunky.
" a small group of thugs appeared from the forest either side of us." Maybe you could say "from the forest on either side of us" or "from the forest surrounding us."

26th of Parat - In the paragraph you refer to the animals that attacked as beasts and then in the last paragraph you say "Strange that the things were trying to go after us instead of the horses." To keep it consistent you could change "things" to "beasts"
 
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derula

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There is one thing I'd like to mention which is relevant for many writers. @derula, you might be interested in this too.
Deadhaus is a medieval universe. It does have magick, old languages that have been lost and forgotten, and even some technologies that are dissonant from the Dark Ages. However, keep in mind that the individuals who live in this universe will have capabilities, views and understandings limited to their position and the world's technological level. We need to be careful when writing a character not to add our own way of talking or thinking to them, lest we create anachronisms unintentionally. A man in the medieval ages might not say things such as "yo dude", or he might make completely different kinds of abbreviations than we do.
Absolutely agree. Part of the reason why I made a thread here is to get some input on the direction of my writing. As an absolute amateur, it is not always easy for me to tell if I'm going the right way. My focus in my first story was on imitating Lovecraft's writing style, but of course, the early 1900s are not the Middle Ages. That said, without some more particular feedback it will be hard for me to know which parts of my story may have violated the setting. Which also lowers my motivation to write more, because to me it seems like a big gamble. I like my story for what it is, I am very proud of it, but for all I know, it might be impossible to even duct-tape it into the lore.

Furthermore...
I was trying to keep that in mind, but the samples from Apocalypse are limited right now--we're mostly getting Alaric's way of speaking/thinking presently, and I didn't want to do a carbon copy of that, so I just kept it more casual in this one. If I need to revisit it and change some things later, I'm open to doing that, of course.
Absolutely this. Obviously, we are given limited information because that's necessitated by DHS being, in the end, a proprietary product by a company that requires some degree of obscurity in order to ultimately make a profit. As a consumer of media, it is always fun to only get spoon-fed some information, and imagining the rest of the world on your own - your own understanding of the world, its people and events doesn't need to match with the artistic vision, that's kind of the point of art.

However, this kind of flips when you are supposed to contribute to the art itself. Without the detailed background information, without unredacted documentation of the whole history, the full geographical and social development of the world. any contribution will be the quality of good fan fiction at best. There is some fantastic fan fiction out there, as Denis likes to point out with Game of Thrones, but in the end, if everyone has their own view of the world, and we are given no clear direction, submissions by individuals will be inconsistent with the deep lore as well as any other contributors' submissions.

A director doesn't tell the actors to just play out the scenes as they understand them. A narrative designer doesn't give the dialog writers naught but a few fluff pieces, amazing though they may be, and then expects them to go from there to write dialog that fits the intended design without any further review. A veteran game designer doesn't tell an outsourced company to just make an Italian plumber who jumps on turtles to solve problems, then let them do their thing, and finally publish the result without cross-checking it.

It all boils down to this: if the intention is that we write things that absolutely fit the game's lore, the historic events, the geographical and political developments, we need to know what those are. Either that, or submissions have to be significantly rewritten to make them fit. In some cases, little save the basic idea may survive the rewrite. I often found myself looking for little tidbits of information to work off of, but there just isn't much there. How can I make up any story if I have no idea how it could possibly fit the intended world without really knowing that world?

Game of Thrones had a lot of lore already released. It had many fans around the globe who were all binging on content. And as the number of fans increased, so did the portion of fans who were professional writers themselves. Deadhaus doesn't have either of those benefits yet. The other comparison brought up often is SCP. But that project has writing guidelines, a strict review process, and tons of reference material on top. Furthermore, it is set in a modern time period, something more people will be able to relate to. Still, the results are usually very heterogeneous and diverse in nature, definitely lacking a coherent art direction.

Right now, we do not have much more direction than an average fanbase for an average videogame - most likely much less, because we don't even know what happens in the game itself. I understand the reasoning for this and I'm not in a position to ask for this to be handled differently, all I'm saying is that the best we as a community can possibly do at this stage is to create high-quality fan fiction. If Apocalypse is hoping for more, they need to understand that we can't read Denis' mind.
 

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Great story and it could lead to a lot more tales as these ruins get explored and we find out who or what was behind the attack. Was Rorik actually there? Was he trying to derail the expedition all along? Did Hilda turn into a werewolf or some other type of creature from the bite? Did Priam turn on them or was he there to stop the undead?
Want me to spoil it? I'll spoil it in spoilers.

Rorik was possessed by a wraith from the start, Priam was a vampire masquerading as a human guide, the "dog-like beasts" that attacked in the night were ghouls, the one that bit Hilda gave her an infection, but a visit from Priam later ensured she'd become a fresh vampiric thrall in time, Ferrus was sent because the church suspected a trap (for all the good that ended up doing) and at the end he was fighting the wraith that had possessed Rorik (too little, too late), and the twins...were just normal human twins, as was the unfortunate researcher who wrote the journal. The inhuman screams he heard as he was running away were those of a banshee, of course. Priam did not kill the ghouls, by the way, he merely wounded them, which was why their remains were absent as they headed back toward the capital. It was all a ruse set up by agents of Deadhaus...but to what end I wonder?
Another idea to get the impact you want is to start the section by him talking about exploring the ruins and then in the second paragraph like an "oh yeah this happened too" he would go back and talk about the party splitting up and Hilda's injury. This would probably be a bigger rewrite but might be more effective at getting the idea across that the ruins were his first concern.

17th of Parat. - I found this a little clunky.
" a small group of thugs appeared from the forest either side of us." Maybe you could say "from the forest on either side of us" or "from the forest surrounding us."

26th of Parat - In the paragraph you refer to the animals that attacked as beasts and then in the last paragraph you say "Strange that the things were trying to go after us instead of the horses." To keep it consistent you could change "things" to "beasts"
Those are all helpful suggestions which I think I'll employ, thank you!
 
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Jerion 'Wyverntamer' Kràl

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As far as feedback goes, I have unfortunately been quite busy today, so I can't give a lot of commentary, what I've read so far, I've liked though.
the one that bit Hilda infected her with ghoulism(?)
First problem, I haven't taken the time to read everything yet, but a ghoul can only be created by way of the cannibalism ritual and not by infection (as far as we know, anyway).

I like where you're taking the story according to the spoilered bit though.
 

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As far as feedback goes, I have unfortunately been quite busy today, so I can't give a lot of commentary, what I've read so far, I've liked though.
First problem, I haven't taken the time to read everything yet, but a ghoul can only be created by way of the cannibalism ritual and not by infection (as far as we know, anyway).

I like where you're taking the story according to the spoilered bit though.
Well that busts that part of it. I guess I'll edit that mystery section in my mind, then. . . .
Done. The new one still works fairly well.
-I edited the original spoiler to reflect the new playing out of behind the scenes events, and some of it works even better, in fact.
 

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Well that busts that part of it. I guess I'll edit that mystery section in my mind, then. . . .
Done. The new one still works fairly well.
I mean, it could be some sort of disease, since I somehow doubt that ghouls practice dental hygiene. And that sickness can then lead her to eventually beginning the ritual due to some hunger related effect (there are some sicknesses that make you feel very hungry.
 

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I mean, it could be some sort of disease, since I somehow doubt that ghouls practice dental hygiene. And that sickness can then lead her to eventually beginning the ritual due to some hunger related effect (there are some sicknesses that make you feel very hungry.
I know Yokaihaus doesn't exist, but.... *holds hands up like alien meme guy* ...Gaki.

Edit: to actually actually explain what that means, Gaki-ism is a curse to punish greedy humans. In Deadhaus it seems to be something ritualistically achieved slowly, but could it be a curse forced upon someone as well? It's feasible in this scenario that if Hilda died from the infection, she could take on the form of Gaki/Ghoul and become an insatiable spirit doomed to eat human flesh and suffer hunger for eternity. We don't have a ton of information about Ghouls, but that there is some kind of ritual involving the consumption of human flesh. But could it be a curse, done without her knowledge? Maybe all that was needed was her blood, or to somehow force her to consume something tainted? In the fighting scene where she was bitten she could have gotten blood in her mouth without realizing. Just some random thoughts.
 
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Golden Xan

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Oh wow, this thread blew up quickly. :)

That said, without some more particular feedback it will be hard for me to know which parts of my story may have violated the setting.
I will talk to you about this on your thread, not to derail this one further. Suffice it to say for now, you guys don't actually have to worry about this. What I mentioned was a warning in case you were concerned about it, but writing fan fiction doesn't actually need to have any purpose other than the sheer pleasure of doing that. We don't have to try and make every article as "cannonizable" as possible (though we are welcome to try if we want to). It's also fair to simply write things for fun and even have some level of divergence from the usual lore.

For example, I agree with Wyverntamer. Ghouls only transform through one way, that we know of, but it's interesting to imagine that they can also infect others with something that gives them the desire to eat human flesh, thus spreading "ghoulism." The story is not at all wasted because of that, this is what we call an expansion of concepts.
Granted, not every expansion works out, and definitely not all expansions can be cannonized for a variety of reasong, but as I mentioned, that's not always the goal of a thought or writing.

Some people like the fact that information stays obscure. I understand why that is the case, but I personally usually enjoy knowing as much as possible, which is why I enjoyed knowing what you were thinking on the spoiler section.
 
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For example, I agree with Wyverntamer. Ghouls only transform through one way, that we know of, but it's interesting to imagine that they can also infect others with something that gives them the desire to eat human flesh, thus spreading "ghoulism." The story is not at all wasted because of that, this is what we call an expansion of concepts.
It doesn't bother me to change my story a little to fit what's currently known about the world, though. The small change might even be better in the long run, if I write a follow up to it (or several). Of course I already know what the purpose of Deadhaus' agents was in the tale, and I'm toying with the idea of writing a shorter (or longer maybe, if the story keeps wrapping layers around itself like this one did) sequel from the perspective of one or several of them (Priam or Rorik most-likely...maybe even both?) that explains why they were there posing as humans and--on the surface--aiding the research team until after they explored/plundered the ruins.
Some people like the fact that information stays obscure. I understand why that is the case, but I personally usually enjoy knowing as much as possible, which is why I enjoyed knowing what you were thinking on the spoiler section.
It feels kind of weird having that bit sitting in a reply down here, which is part of why I'm considering writing more now. I like it both ways--I like the challenge presented by unanswered questions, because it allows my imagination to run wild in attempting to figure out the truth/answers, and then of course I like knowing whether I was on the money or not. :LOL:

I'm glad y'all like the story though. I've been told before that my writing's very enjoyable, even though I'm still very much an amateur as an author. Hardest part for me is filling in all the little details inbetween the huge climactic scenes. Turning sporadic but powerful moments into an actual narrative, in other words.
 

derula

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We've had to wait for a replacement to be delivered from the next town still another day ahead of us.
apparently they had been harassing the people coming in and out of the town for months on end.
This seems a bit contradictory to me... if the robbers were known for plaguing people coming in and out of town, what were they doing a day's travels away from town? Not a big deal, but something that tripped me up while reading, maybe another half-sentence of detail could clear it up.

Kind of a stream of consciousness approach, which I figure would be apropos for a personal journal.
I very much like that. The "astounding" part didn't trip me up, I'm assuming you changed it after the others commented on it...? Anyway, I think it's fine the way it is now.

We don't have to try and make every article as "cannonizable" as possible (though we are welcome to try if we want to).
That's fine. Where I have difficulty with writing, and maybe @Meta has had a similar experience, is that I don't want it to contradict Apocalypse's ideas about the world. Take the geographical aspect as an example. We have rough map of the world, but much of it is unlabeled. Should we assume that only the drawn buildings indicate where any settlements could be, and everything else is wilderness? If that's the case, why is there a ship north of Isoth, wouldn't that imply that people are traveling to the other continents? Wouldn't they then at least need temporary housing there? And why are there man-made bridges in north-east Isoth, if there's nothing of interest for people to go nearby? Do the buildings that exist in the map already have a fixed story that if we contradicted it would lead to confusion? Or are they placeholders that we could give purpose to? Etc...

It doesn't bother me to change my story a little to fit what's currently known about the world, though.
I agree. I don't necessarily want to compromise terribly to create a story that's 100% lore-friendly and 0% my own, but I would love to have more guidance on how to create something that has a chance of making Denis going "that... actually makes sense" rather than "oh wow, that's cool, but doesn't fit anywhere in the world at all." On the other hand, I also don't want to create a situation where our creations are what people's perception of the world is based on, but then that has little to do with Apocalypse's vision, and they have to either release something that clashes with people's expectations, or have to adjust their own lore to fit with ours, neither of which can be what they intended...

Maybe I'm overthinking this :D
 
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This seems a bit contradictory to me... if the robbers were known for plaguing people coming in and out of town, what were they doing a day's travels away from town? Not a big deal, but something that tripped me up while reading, maybe another half-sentence of detail could clear it up.
Well they wouldn't hang out right outside the town where it would be relatively easy for a posse to be put together and take them down. They'd want to have a little distance between themselves and whatever settlement they're harassing so if/when help is called for, by the time it arrives they're already long gone. They'd also not be attacking from the same position every single time, they'd move either up the road, or down it, or to the opposite side of the town. Having a predictable element as a criminal makes it easier to be caught, and stupid criminals don't last long, so these guys (or at least their leader) would have to be somewhat clever to be successful over a long period of time.
Using the forest for cover is also vital, because if you lose the element of surprise, you're giving up a lot of your advantage, and it's not common for many towns to have the forest growing right up to their fringes, partly because one would presume that the lumber would be used in the town's erection, and expansion outward would mean the forest needing to be cleared away further out, too.

I didn't include all of that in this story because it didn't have any bearing on the unfortunate researcher's perspective of the event. Maybe if I write a follow-up to it, it could include various additional perspectives, not just Priam's or Rorik's? Something for me to consider.

Thanks for the additional feedback though. ;)
 

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That's fine. Where I have difficulty with writing, and maybe @Meta has had a similar experience, is that I don't want it to contradict Apocalypse's ideas about the world. Take the geographical aspect as an example. We have rough map of the world, but much of it is unlabeled. Should we assume that only the drawn buildings indicate where any settlements could be, and everything else is wilderness? If that's the case, why is there a ship north of Isoth, wouldn't that imply that people are traveling to the other continents? Wouldn't they then at least need temporary housing there? And why are there man-made bridges in north-east Isoth, if there's nothing of interest for people to go nearby? Do the buildings that exist in the map already have a fixed story that if we contradicted it would lead to confusion? Or are they placeholders that we could give purpose to? Etc...

I am pretty sure Denis and the crew at Deadhaus addressed this specifically. The map is kind of a placeholder/highlights map. There are not revealing all of the locations but just some major ones that the main story will revolve around. As we explore the maps details will reveal themselves as we find hidden locations or lost lore. At the begging of this video, Jalen says things are subject to change and it is an Overworld map with a few of the key locations we will explore and shape.


I agree. I don't necessarily want to compromise terribly to create a story that's 100% lore-friendly and 0% my own, but I would love to have more guidance on how to create something that has a chance of making Denis going "that... actually makes sense" rather than "oh wow, that's cool, but doesn't fit anywhere in the world at all." On the other hand, I also don't want to create a situation where our creations are what people's perception of the world is based on, but then that has little to do with Apocalypse's vision, and they have to either release something that clashes with people's expectations, or have to adjust their own lore to fit with ours, neither of which can be what they intended...

Maybe I'm overthinking this :D

Yes, you are overthinking it!! :D But I think that is what most of us here now are prone to do or we would not be following the game so hard this early. Deadhaus is giving us a great opportunity to help shape the world in a way that we probably have not had before. But I don't think that stopped lots of us from imagining new stories in other games of books we have read. Think of it that way. You are just expressing ideas you have for the world and maybe just maybe you will contribute to the actual lore or make an item or side quest. But other fans like us will still enjoy your stories even if they have no real impact on the final game.

If your goal is to get something in the game, you will more likely fail than succeed. If your goal is to write something that others enjoy you will most certainly succeed. Looks at this thread!! There are likely elements that don't fit or even contradict the game's rules but we all enjoyed reading it. Maybe this story will not make the game but the ruins that were uncovered most certainly could make the game. Maybe we will find the remains of an unfortunate researcher and that will lead us on a quest because of a journal he had on his body.
 
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Well they wouldn't hang out right outside the town where it would be relatively easy for a posse to be put together and take them down.
Of course that does make sense. It just felt to me like an entire day of travel is a lot of distance. But thinking about it more and considering that travel speed for an entire group with horse drawn wagons will be a snail's pace when compared to individual riders, it probably checks out.

If your goal is to get something in the game, you will more likely fail than succeed.
It isn't, don't worry :) I just hope to create something that could easily have taken place in the world without contradicting anything we learn later. But I suppose maybe I should lower my expectations for myself and just have fun. Which mostly I'm doing anyway.
 
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I'm sure that the map we have is, like many other assets, a placeholder for now. There surely will be many more important locations than the ones we can see in the initial version of the map. And some things, like the ships, ought to be there just to populate it, like sea creatures and the edge of the world would be drawn on old or fantasy maps.